Show Notes
Today’s topic is integrating work and life. While this typically means integrating work with anything that’s not work, I’m putting the emphasis on work and family.
Probably the biggest concern among women engineers when it comes to work and life integration is family: How can I manage a family and an engineering career at the same time?
Will my family responsibilities preclude me from reaching my career goals? Will my career hinder my ability to serve my family well? How will I handle family emergencies? And how will I handle work emergencies?
All the variations of family come into play, traditional and non-traditional. Families can include birth children, step children, adopted children, foster children or no children. Yours might be an extended family. It might include aging relatives or relatives requiring special care.
In any of these cases, women are often the primary care givers. And so for women engineers to have successful careers they need options for ensuring their families are managed and cared for to their satisfaction.
I’m not attempting to give you a lot of answers here. But I will share some of my insights and experiences that I hope will provide some guidance and reassurance for you.
4 Insights for Integrating Your Engineering Career with Family Life
Right away I want to share 4 important insights:
- Successfully managing an engineering career and a family is entirely possible. There is no one way to do it. But it is doable. No matter what career or family stage you’re in.
- How you integrate work and life is very individual. What works for you won’t work for everyone else. You can figure out what’s best for you and go from there. Base your decisions on what’s best for you and not on what’s best for someone else.
- There is no right or wrong. You may feel pressure from other parents or mom engineers who have different philosophies and do things differently. But that does not mean your choices are wrong.
For example, some women feel the need to get back to work soon after their child is born. Others feel the need to be home longer, while still others choose to take a long-term break from their careers to raise their children.
None of these options is good or bad. What you decide is best is best.
- Your situation will evolve over time. The work and life integration plan you put in place early in your career is not going to work forever. Be prepared to revisit and adjust your plan periodically.
For example, the challenges are not the same when your children are school-age vs when they were infants and toddlers. Or when they are in college vs. high school vs. elementary school. Even after your children are grown, your needs and situations will change.
There are 2 Kinds of Mom Engineers: Blenders and Separators
When it comes to work and family, there are two kinds of mom engineers. I call them blenders and separators.
Blenders are those who prefer, and are comfortable with, mingling work and family. The ones who are good at interweaving work and home activities and switching between the two.
Separators are those who prefer more distinction between work and family activities. Work is detached from family. Work is done at work and not at home. Or, if you’re working from home, work is allocated to a specifically defined timeframe.
I’ve seen many mom engineers who are blenders. They are really good at melding work and home activities. They can transition from work to home and back again smoothly and easily. And they can be efficient at both simultaneously.
I am a separator. I like to set boundaries around my work time and focus on work without distraction. I was never good at taking my kids along to meetings, or combining business travel with vacations. That was always too stressful for me.
I know this about myself. I’m a separator. So I don’t have expectations of getting work done outside my designated work time, and I don’t put pressure on myself to do so.
Knowing what your tendency is will help you define your own work and life integration strategy.
Tips for Establishing Your Work and Family Life Integration Strategy
Lastly, I’d like to provide a few tips for managing work and family. These are ideas from my own experience. Perhaps they will give you a place to start. A place from which you can find what works for you.
- Because I’m a planner the first thing I’m suggesting is to have a plan. Spend some time thinking about your preferences and concerns. Find out about resources in your community. Get familiar with relevant policies and resources that support employees and their families.
- Talk with your partner and other care givers about your family needs and possible arrangements. Then come up with ideas and options. Here are just a few examples:
- Set routines that work for you and your children.
- Connect with other parents to team up with so you can help each other out.
- Set up carpools and back-up rides.
- Establish emergency contacts and medical arrangements.
- Make overnight accommodations in case there is unexpected travel or travel delays.
- Find colleagues who can cover for you (if necessary) in the event you have to leave work unexpectedly.
We don’t have any family in town. Nor were there very many mom engineers as role models back when our kids were young. So it was hard.
But we made arrangements with neighbors and shared family responsibilities as best we could. Today it seems like people in the workplace are more open about family requirements. And it’s a little easier to share best practices and find resources.
- Check in frequently to manage expectations. Routinely check in with your partner or whoever else helps you with family care activities. Talk about this week’s calendar and the month ahead. Make any special arrangements or back-up plans.
For me this was a conversation with my husband about upcoming meetings and business travel. We discussed who will cover what errands, daycare transport, doctor appointments, and after-school activities.
- In most cases it’s important to keep your boss up to date on your family situation so that they are aware of what you’re dealing with and can provide support.
This is something I didn’t do enough in my career. I felt like I had to deal with everything myself. If I had shared more with my bosses, there would have been less pressure on me as a mom engineer.
- And finally, practice self-care. Make sure you are meeting your own needs, keeping yourself well, and occasionally indulging yourself. This is essential for you as an engineer, leader and mom. And both your family and your employer will benefit, too.
Work and life integration is a complex challenge for women engineers. But you don’t have to choose one or the other.
It takes some skill in planning, setting priorities, and maintaining self-care practices. But you can learn these skills and have a rewarding engineering career along with a fulfilling family life.
Recap: Today’s episode is an introduction to some of the challenges of work and life integration. We started off with a few insights about managing an engineering career and a family.
Next we talked about blenders and separators. And we closed with some tips for managing an engineering career and a family.
Next time on Her Engineering Career Podcast I’ll tell you about the paradox of Less is More, a handy little enigma for busy women engineers. Stay tuned for Episode 25.