Show Notes
Asking for what you need and want is an essential skill for your engineering career. And it’s also very useful for life, isn’t it?
You’ll notice I’m including “what you want” in this skill – not just what you need. Yes, we have to ask for what we need… but want? You might think that’s presumptuous and greedy, but it isn’t.
“What you need” is for getting your job done. “What you want” extends to your career vision, allowing you to stretch beyond where you are and follow some of your own ideas. You may not always get everything you want. But you need to ask for it.
The things you need to be able to ask for fall primarily into two categories: resources and permission. To give you an idea, here are some examples:
Resources:
- My team is short-handed. I am asking for another engineer.
- I am asking for more equipment and lab space to carry out my research.
- I am asking for more training on this system.
Permission:
- I have an idea for a new product. I am requesting permission to explore that.
- I’d like to get leadership experience. I am asking permission to take over the analysis team.
- I’m asking permission to take Project A off my plate so I can devote more time to Project B.
Your ability to ask for what you need and want, like all skills, must be developed and improved. Some people are better at it than others. For many of us, it does not come easy.
I remember a few times in my engineering experience when I failed to ask for what I needed and wanted. And it held me back. I eventually realized that, when I did ask, the outcome was usually in my favor.
Let’s explore some of the misconceptions that keep us from asking for what we need and want in the first place.
Why Women Engineers Don’t Ask for What They Need and Want
As women engineers we sometimes don’t ask for what we need and want because we believe that:
- Asking for things is selfish or shows weakness.
- My boss knows what I need – so, no need to ask.
- My boss is busy and has more important things to worry about.
Sometimes a lack of courage and confidence convinces us not to ask because:
- I don’t want to make waves or cause trouble or be out of line.
- I don’t really know what I need or how to ask for it.
- I’m probably not going to get it anyway.
And sometimes there’s a misunderstanding of roles and responsibilities, and we think:
- I’m not allowed – or it’s not my place – to ask for what I need.
- My boss is expecting me to be resourceful and take care of all my own needs.
- It doesn’t make me look good if I ask my manager for things I need and want.
Some of these ideas sound ridiculous. But this is what we tell ourselves. Most of these statements are just plain false. And all of them act as roadblocks.
We’ll first discuss some approaches for overcoming these misconceptions. And then we’ll review some specific practices for asking for what you need and want.
Remove False Beliefs So You Can Ask for What You Need in Your Engineering Career
Asking for what you need and want is critical to advancing in your career. Not only is it a useful skill, it is expected of you as an engineer and a professional.
Three helpful concepts to apply when asking for what you need and want are: changing your mindset, building courage and confidence, and understanding expectations.
- Change Your Mindset. You can move a long way from the fear of asking for what you need and want by first changing your mindset.
You are a valuable asset, and your contribution is necessary for the success of the mission. Everyone needs resources to accomplish their jobs. You cannot progress, grow, or succeed without getting what you need and want.
To help you reverse some of these false ideas, change how you think of yourself when asking for what you need and want:
- from annoying troublemaker to proactive leader.
- from meeting a personal need to meeting a mission requirement.
- from time waster to problem solver.
- from quiet and placid to vocal and valuable.
- from making waves to meeting expectations.
- Build Courage and Confidence. Most of the time you haven’t gotten what you need and want because you haven’t asked.
Not because you don’t deserve it. And not because your boss doesn’t think you need it. Not every request will be a struggle. Quite often, having the courage to ask in the first place is all you need.
Build the courage that will enable you to ask. Make asking for what you need and want part of the routine of your job. The more you are in the habit of asking, the more confident you will become.
- Understand Expectations. Your employer wants you to get what you need to do your job well and be content in your work. Let that be your underlying assumption as you communicate what you need and want in a professional way.
Asking for what you need and want is
- one of your job responsibilities.
- essential to getting ahead.
- an indication of your resource management skills.
- a sign of your leadership potential.
- what your boss expects of you.
I can help you with this. I can help you overcome these misconceptions and learn to ask for what you need and want. If you’d like to work with me to bring more joy and fulfillment to your engineering career journey, find more information and apply here.
Now we get to the How-To. It’s easy enough to say that you must to ask for what you need and want. But going about it is a little more challenging. Here are some guidelines to help you through the process.
8 Steps to Asking for What You Need and Want in Your Engineering Career
Tip: Before you make your request, review your organization’s mission and goals, your role and responsibilities, and your boss’s expectations. Tie your request to these, so you have a greater chance of getting what you need and want.
Here are the 8 steps:
- Identify who to ask and in what setting.
Who is the appropriate person to fulfill your request? Maybe it’s your boss or a team leader. When and where will you make your request? Maybe you have a regularly scheduled meeting that is appropriate. Or maybe you need to get something on the calendar.
Tip: Make sure your timing is good. Avoid asking for things during overly hectic times. If your boss is busy and stressed, consider giving them a heads up before your meeting.
- Identify what you need and why.
Be direct and clear with your request by using the words “I’m asking for…” State it in just two or three sentences. Write them down ahead of time. Justify your request from all perspectives, including your own.
- Be prepared for rebuttals and questions.
Be informative and not defensive about what you’re asking for. Expect there to be questions and push-back. Be as thorough as you can and present your case. Provide details even if you think they are obvious (because usually they are not).
- Practice – by yourself and with a mentor, coworker or friend.
Practicing will prepare you well by smoothing your pitch and bringing up issues you hadn’t considered. Especially if yours is a big request, this is an important step.
- Be persistent.
If you don’t get an answer in a timely fashion, follow up. If the answer is no, find out what has to happen to get to yes. As appropriate, push back a little and use your negotiating skills.
- Make sure you get a clear response.
Make sure you get a response that is explained well and that you understand it. No response is unacceptable.
- Expect to get what you need – within reason.
You’ll get some of what you need most of the time. Usually there are resource and priority constraints. Don’t expect to get everything you need and want all at once.
- Identify your needs on a continuous basis.
Learn to be attentive to what your needs are as you progress in your career and routinely ask for what you need and want.
As you develop this skill, you’ll realize a number of ways it benefits you. For example, it will facilitate your job and build your communication and negotiation skills.
Your management will appreciate that you are assessing the situation, prioritizing needs, informing them of the request, and following through. These are all indications of your professional skills and leadership potential.
Recap: We covered a lot today on the topic of asking for what you need and want in your engineering career. We began with the false beliefs that can keep you from asking in the first place.
We followed that with 3 approaches to overcoming those misconceptions: changing your mindset, building courage and confidence, and understanding expectations.
And finally, we wrapped up with 8 guidelines to help you through the process of asking for what you need and want.
Next time on Her Engineering Career Podcast: Tune in for Episode 9 where we’ll focus on decision making – another essential skill for your career toolbox.